Out on a limb with the glitterati
From the Mail on Sunday
What does the name Capri conjure up for you? Is it the sweet, homely face of Gracie Fields, seagull-voiced working-class heroine, who retired to the island after the war, sparing we baby-boomers a great deal of auditory grief?
Or do you think of the snarling, tinny grille of the sporty-ish Seventies Ford, in whose cramped interior many of you did your first serious grappling (go on, admit it)?
If either of these is all the name means to you, then fear not - I was in the same boat until recently.
Only it wasn't really a boat that I took to this Italian haven. It was a rather bouncy hydrofoil, skittering over the sea to Capri from crowded, noisy Naples harbour.
Forty-five minutes later, we found ourselves staggering onto the quay at Capri's small but perfectly vulgar port. My guidebook told me Capri was the sophisticated haven that captivated the Aga Khan, Sophia Loren and Douglas Fairbanks Senior and Junior. How could this be?
Then the dapper porter, sent by our hotel to meet us, explained that Capri town itself is actually just over a mile away by road, or a few hundred yards uphill by funicular railway.
There isn't room for a whole town at sea level because, essentially, Capri is a lump of picturesque rock and the few towns had to put down their roots on whatever scrap of flat land they could find.
The roads between them, some dating back to Roman times, wind narrowly up and down the cliff face. It's a nightmare scenario for Italian drivers, forced to give way politely at every turn. And as for the poor policemen - they have the cool uniforms, the snazzy caps and the mirrored sunglasses but they have to ride around on vehicles resembling milk floats.
Despite the island's diddyness, thousands of day-trippers tramp or minibus around it every day, looking at, well, each other mostly.
The proud and charming locals are clearly bewildered at the influx: the adjacent mainland is overstuffed with beautiful resorts and magnificent Roman ruins, one of which is quite a large site called Pompeii...
Travel guide: Capri