France a land of diversity
Why go on holiday to France?
The largest country in Western Europe, France's most appealing characteristic is its diversity. There are beaches, glaciers, mountains, canyons, forests and vineyards.
With the country's superb train system you can experience skiing one day and sunbathing the next.
How much does it cost?
There is something for every budget, but as a rough guide a one-week family beach holiday staying in a hotel on the Riviera in September will cost you about £1,200, while a two-week family camping holiday in the Dordogne travelling with your car by Eurostar is priced from £600 - or take your car from Dover-Calais on the ferry.
A Eurostar foot passenger return to Paris costs from £70 (watch for special offers) and flights are from £50 return. Car hire in France is reasonable.
When to go?
Depends whether you want beaches, skiing or lovely landscapes. Generally France has a temperate climate, similar to the UK with mild winters except for the mountainous areas and Alsace. The wettest months in Alsace are June and July, when storms are common.
From May to September many resorts including Brittany and the Cote d'Azur are packed with tourists - so pre-book your accommodation. The Alps is a favourite for skiers and snowboarders - the season lasts from December to early April.
The south has mild winters (12C/53F) and hot summers (25C/77F) but also has the mistral - the cold, dry wind that blows relentlessly in spring and is said to send some people mad.
What should I do when I'm there?
If you fancy lots of sun then St Tropez and Cannes, playgrounds of the rich and famous, can be fun. If culture is more your thing then Burgundy is where you'll find historic towns and fine wines. The Loire valley is a treasure trove of French history.
Lourdes, on the edge of the Pyrenees, is one of the world's most important pilgrimage sites, although sadly it has a tacky commercial side. Or get away from it all hiking in the Pyrenees.
What's to see in the cities?
Paris is chock full of history and style, with easy excursions to Monet's gardens at Giverny, and Versailles. The cosmopolitan port of Marseilles is France's second city. Dating back to 600BC, it's a historical treat.
Rouen is where Joan of Arc met her end. It has a fantastic cathedral and great museums. Lyons is great for classy shopping and famed for its cuisine. The walled medieval city of Carcassonne in the Languedoc is stunning.
Where can I let it all hang out?
France is one of Europe's most popular venues for nudism. Naturist centres are mainly in the sunny south (Cote d'Azur, Languedoc and Provence). They range from small rural campsites to large chalet villages.
The French Naturist Federation (01 47 64 32 82) will point you in the right direction.
Where's good for nightlife?
All major towns and cities will have their clubs and discos (or boites). Most also put on at least one music festival a year - the nationwide Fete de la Musique brings live music to every corner of France on June 21.
At the cinema, if you don't want to hear a dubbed version of a film, look for the letters v.o. (version originale) on the posters. A highlight of the French theatre year is the Festival d'Avignon (mid-July to mid-August).
On the Cote d'Azur, the main evening entertainment is delicious dining al fresco on the coast and people watching.
What's the food like?
Every region has its speciality, from Provence with its Mediterranean dishes to the Roussillon region's Spanish influence of tapas.
Normandy is known for its rich cuisine based on cream, butter and seafood while cooking in Burgundy relies mainly on wine, pork fat and cream. Crepes and galettes in Brittany are delicious, sweet or savoury. Two regions produce the most celebrated wines in France: Bordeaux and Burgundy. The French nearly always drink wine with their meals and wine tasting is an art and a tradition.
What should I buy?
Wine is a good buy with a huge choice available. There are more than 400 different French cheeses - some travel better than others and make good gifts. The chocolates are also superb and the candied fruit from Nice is the best.
Quimper in Brittany is good for colourful pottery, Baccarat in Lorraine for crystal and glass, Limoges for porcelain. Paris has all the luxury goods you could ever want.
What is there for children to do?
There's a plethora of theme and amusement parks. Disneyland Resort Paris has to be the hottest destination. Just outside the capital at Elancourt, study France at a glance at the Miniature Park of France.
Travel through a huge cartoon strip at Parc Asterix at Picardy in northern France. Meet the Smurfs at Parc Walibi in Lorraine. Into fish? Kids will love Aliotis in Sologne with its 60 open-air aquariums.
Tourist office
178 Piccadilly, London W1V OAL. Tel 09068 244123 (60p per minute).
France
Did you know?
England's King Richard the Lion-Heart and French king Philip Augustus met in Vezelay, a tiny walled village in Burgundy, before embarking on the Third Crusade of 1189 to capture the Holy Land from Muslim leader Saladin.
Country
France
Language
French
Visas
You do not need a visa to go to France, but take your passport.
Flying time from London
One hour to Paris.
Getting there
TGV (high speed) trains from Paris' Gare de Lyon to Dijon-Ville station take an hour and 45 minutes. Non-TGV services take two hours, 45 minutes to reach Dijon. Motorists can take car ferries and Hoverspeed SeaCats from Dover to Calais, the fastest sea route between Britain and France. Catmarans also ply the Channel between Newhaven and Dieppe. Car ferries are also available between Portsmouth and Le Havre.
Getting around
To make the most of Burgundy's wine houses, take the car or hire one when you're there. Dijon has good bus and train networks, as do all big towns in the region.
Currency
Euro
Costs
Half pint of beer £2; roll of film (24) £2.90; glass of wine £1.90, moderate restaurant meal £6; litre of petrol 72p; taxi rides from £1.30, plus from 40p extra per kilometre.
Weather
France has a temperate climate, similar to that of the UK with mild winters except for mountainous areas. The Paris Basin, near Burgundy, records the lowest rainfall in the country.
Time difference
One hour ahead of GMT.
International dialling code from the UK
00 33
Voltage
220V, 50Hz. Plugs are two pin, so adapters are needed.
Opening hours
Most museums close on either Monday or Tuesday. In July and August - France's annual holiday period - many shops and businesses will shut down completely. Shop opening hours vary but most take a long lunch and stay open till 7pm. Few shops open on Sunday.
Health - Before you go
No jabs needed. We have reciprocal medical care agreements with France - take an EHIC form with you (available from your post office).
Health - When you are there
No major health problems in France. French pharmacies are usually marked by a green cross and can be very helpful.
Warnings
Check before swimming off the coast of Brittany, as there are many strong currents.
Emergency
Police, Tel: 17; Ambulance, Tel: 15; Fire, Tel: 18; British Embassy, 35 rue du Faubourg St Honoré
75383 Paris Cedex 08. Consular section Tel: (00 33) 1 44 51 31 27.
Customs
In restaurants, don't call a waiter over by saying "garcon", or boy. These days, say "s'il vous plait" (please) instead, or you'll cause offence.
Pets
Under the pilot Pet Travel Scheme you can now take your dog or cat to France, with all the required paperwork and vaccinations. This takes several months to set up - check with your vet for details.
Tipping
By law, cafe, restaurant and hotel bills include service. Most people leave loose change in a restaurant. In taxis a tip would range from 30p-70p.
Tourist office
French Government Tourist Office, 178 Piccadilly, London W1V 0AL. Tel: 09068 244123 (60p per minute).
Did you know?
Languedoc-Roussillon was formed in the 1960s by the merger of two historic regions.
Language
French.
Visas
You do not need a visa to go to France, but take your passport.
Getting there
A number of airlines, including no-frills carrier Ryanair, offer direct services to Perpignan, Nimes and Montpellier. Eurostar train services from London Waterloo to Montpellier go via Lille or Paris.
Flying time from London
About one hour 55 minutes.
Getting around
Local buses and trains are excellent. Montpellier also has a spanking new tram network. If you're on a self-drive break bear in mind that parking can be limited in city centres. Bikes and cars can also be hired.
Currency
Euro.
Costs
Prices vary greatly but as a very rough guide: Half pint of beer £2; roll of film (24) £2.90; glass of wine £1.90, moderate restaurant meal £6; litre of petrol 72p; taxi rides from £1.30, plus from 40p extra per kilometre.
Weather
France has a temperate climate, similar to that of the UK, with mild winters except in mountainous areas. In Languedoc-Roussillon the weather is warmest in June to September, with temperatures ranging from 24-27C/75F-81F. Winters are cold, with temperatures plummeting to 4C/40F.
Time difference
One hour ahead of the UK.
International dialling code from the UK
00 33.
Voltage
220V, 50Hz. Plugs are two pin, so adaptors are needed.
Opening hours
Most museums close on either Monday or Tuesday. In July and August — France's annual holiday period — many shops and businesses will shut down completely. Shop opening hours vary but most take a long lunch and stay open till 7pm. Few shops open on Sunday.
Health — before you go
No jabs needed. We have reciprocal medical care agreements with France. Take an EHIC form with you (available from your post office).
Health — when you are there
No major health problems in France. French pharmacies are usually marked by a green cross and can be very helpful.
Warnings
Petty theft can be a problem in France, so watch your handbag especially in crowded public places like buses, fast-food restaurants and cinemas.
Emergency
Police, tel 17; Ambulance, tel 15; Fire, tel 19; British Embassy: 16, Rue d'Anjou, Paris. Tel 01 44 51 31 00.
Customs
Try to speak at least a few words of greeting, thanks and goodbye in France — the locals will appreciate the effort and behave more warmly towards you. In restaurants, do not call a waiter over by saying "garcon" (boy). Say "s'il vous plait" (please) instead.
Pets
Under the pilot Pet Travel Scheme you can now take your dog or cat to France, with all the required paperwork and vaccinations. This takes several months to set up — check with your vet for details.
Tipping
By law, cafe, restaurant and hotel bills include service. Most people leave loose change in a restaurant. In taxis a tip would range from 30-70 cents, but you could go mad and leave one euro (about 62p).
Tourist office
French Government Tourist Office, 178 Piccadilly, London W1V 0AL. Tel 09068 244123 (60p per minute).
Did you know?
Less than half (47%) of French people bathe or shower daily. The amount of soap that France consumes is half that of Britain, and the French use less deodorant than any other European country.
Language
Standard French, as well as several traditional languages: Breton in Brittany (a Celtic tongue similar to Cornish and Welsh); Flemish in far northern France; Alsatian in Alsace (a dialect of German); Basque in the Basque Country; Catalan in Roussillon; Provencal in Provence; and Corsican (related to Italian) on the isle of Corsica.
Visas
You do not need a visa to go to France, but take your passport.
Getting there
By budget and scheduled airline to Paris's Orly and Roissy Charles de Gaulle airports, and dozens of other cities. Airports with international services include Lyons, Bordeaux, Marseilles, Nimes, Montpellier, Perpignan, Metz-Nancy-Lorraine, Mulhouse-Basel (EuroAirport), Nantes, Nice, Strasbourg and Toulouse. By train with Eurostar from London Waterloo or Ashford, Kent, to Paris, Calais-Frethun, Lille and Disneyland Paris, or to the Alps in winter or Avignon in the summer. By car via the Channel Tunnel, Eurotunnel shuttle trains and car ferries. Ferry routes for cars and foot passengers include: Dover to Calais; Newhaven-Dieppe; Poole-Cherbourg; Portsmouth-Cherbourg; Portsmouth-Le Havre; Portsmouth-Caen; Plymouth-Roscoff; and Portsmouth-St Malo. By coach from London with Eurolines to various French destinations
Flying time from London
One hour to Paris.
Getting around
France's excellent SNCF rail network links most of the country and trains are the best means of travelling between regions. TGV trains (high-speed services) now connect Paris with western and south-western France, the south-east and Arras, Lille and Calais. Buses are used extensively in rural areas for shorter journeys.
Currency
Euro.
Costs
Half pint of beer £2; roll of film (24) £2.50; moderate restaurant meal £15; litre of petrol 70p; four-mile taxi ride £4. Costs can vary.
Weather
France has a temperate climate, similar to that of the UK, with mild winters except in mountainous areas. The north-west has high humidity, lots of rain compared to the rest of France, and persistent winds. The north-east sees hot summers and cold winters. Storms are common here in June and July. The driest spot in France is the Paris Basin between Brittany and Alsace. Paris's average daily temperature is 12C/54F, but can reach the mid-30s (about 95F) or higher in August. Southern France enjoys a Mediterranean climate, with hot summers and mild winters.
Time difference
One hour ahead of the UK.
International dialling code from the UK
00 33.
Voltage
220V, 50Hz. Plugs are two pin, so adaptors are needed.
Opening hours
Most museums close on either Monday or Tuesday. In July and August — France's annual holiday period — many shops and businesses will shut down completely. Shop opening hours vary but most take a long lunch and stay open till 7pm. Few shops open on Sunday.
Health — before you go
No jabs needed. We have reciprocal medical care agreements with France. Take an EHIC form with you (available from your post office).
Health — when you are there
No major health problems in France. French pharmacies are usually marked by a green cross and can be very helpful.
Warnings
Check before swimming off the coast of Brittany, as there are many strong currents.
Emergency
Police, tel 17; Ambulance, tel 15; Fire, tel 19; British Embassy: 16, Rue d'Anjou, Paris. Tel 01 44 51 31 00.
Customs
Try to speak at least a few words of greeting, thanks and goodbye in France — the locals will appreciate the effort and behave more warmly towards you. In restaurants, do not call a waiter over by saying "garcon" (boy). Say "s'il vous plait" (please), instead.
Pets
Under the pilot Pet Travel Scheme you can now take your dog or cat to France, with all the required paperwork and vaccinations. This takes several months to set up — check with your vet for details.
Tipping
By law, cafe, restaurant and hotel bills include service. Most people leave loose change in a restaurant. In taxis a tip would range from 30-70 cents, but you could go mad and leave one euro (about 62p).
Tourist office
French Government Tourist Office, 178 Piccadilly, London W1V 0AL. Tel 09068 244123 (60p per minute).
Reviews for : France
Swathed in 2,000 years of history, Lyon is an old city, yet happily it's far from being a museum piece.
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There are places I will always remember - like Australia's wildly beautiful 'top end', glamorous Sydney, exciting New York - and, of course, unsurpassable Venice. I've seen Niagara Falls frozen, dolphins swooping around a boat off Turkey, the painted monasteries of northern Romania and the mirrored interiors of Rajasthan.
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The day started badly for Parisian cafe owner Andre Chabalier.
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My family was keen on a trip to Parc Asterix - the 100 per cent French theme park where all self-respecting Parisians take their children in the school holidays.
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When hotels tell us that they want to add a little extra to our holiday, one suspects that their real intention is to add something substantial to our bill (wouldn't it be nice if hotel beds were as well padded as their final invoices?).
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What's it to be, then?' asked the woman in Place Vendome of her friend. Like us, they had their noses pressed to the window of a leading Parisian jeweller. 'Nope,' replied her companion, dismissing a diamond-studded display, worth several small sheikhdoms. 'If I tell my husband I fancy anything, he'll just say: "Go ahead and get it."'
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My mother was incredulous: 'I've never heard of Jim Morrison - who was he?' She was standing by the information board at the entrance to Pere Lachaise cemetery. It was the first stop on a weekend tour on which I wanted to show my parents some 'alternative' attractions of Paris.
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Spend those holiday francs before it's too late. In France, and the other countries that have accepted the euro, the old money goes out after the new currency comes in on January 1, 2002. A perfect excuse for an autumn break.
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My contented four-year-old, Joseph, was feeding apples to his new friend, Gamin - a part-Camargue white horse - when he looked up at me and said: 'Mummy, this is a nice place.'
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The decision was made on the spur of the moment. We wanted a lightning getaway to some genuine autumn sunshine, and wanted it to cost as little as possible.
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You can see why those English aristocrats all went to Nice in the 19th century. Flying low over Cap d'Antibes and the beaches at Juan-Les-Pins as you slide into Cote d'Azur Airport, you know immediately why they made the French Riviera their winter home from home.
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After a choppy ferry ride across the Channel, the last place you want to go is somewhere called Nausicaa. OK, so we went through the Chunnel, but I'm sure you get my drift. Luckily, Nausicaa does not make you sick of the sea. It is simply the biggest sea-life centre in Europe.
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'Come with me, darling, to the château of the Marquis de Sade.' Darling looked dubious, as well she might.
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If you're looking for a weekend break with a difference in the South of France, then Marseilles is a treat.
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Everybody knows that for a holiday steeped in world-class jazz you get on a jumbo jet and head for New Orleans. Well that's what I always thought, anyway. But it turns out that there is a wonderful alternative much closer to home. You may never have heard of the tiny town of Marciac in Gascony, but jazzers the world over have, since for two weeks every year it gives itself over to a huge feast of le jazz, le blues and le fusion.
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Did I detect, as we left the Channel Tunnel at Calais, a faint but prolonged 'whee-haa' coming from the Eurostar driver's cab?
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Let's imagine that you're fed up with crowds, noise and turmoil, with fools at work and braying airheads on TV. In short, with the cacophony of modern life.
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Green haven of peace and beauty right next door to one of Europe's most crowded holiday destinations? Unlikely but true. The Dordogne has almost been overwhelmed by its own popularity - the fate of many previously-unspoiled places once they have been 'discovered' by the tourists.
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Britain's west-coast line has just seen the introduction of fast 'tilting' trains which - wait for it - won't be allowed to travel at full speed until track and signalling problems are fixed.
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There's something about sleeping under canvas and scrubbing your armpits in public that's supposed to make you feel at one with nature. Living in a caravan doesn't really put you in touch with the earth, they say. I'm not arguing. I've touched the earth on one too many a rain-drenched British summer. That's precisely why, as I approach the brow of middle age, caravans are starting to look ever more appealing.
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The caves are dank and dark. They smell of old wines and new sweat. Into them, cyclists, garbed like spacemen, suddenly whizz or wobble. Four thousand of them - more Dad's Army than Tour de France with Darby and Joan on tandems, too - are out on the Loire Valley's autumnal ride.
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Enticing a companion to Lille I found was not without its problems. The idea of a weekend away in a well-trodden glamorous Euro-city is simple.
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The mud in the Cambridge fens, where she lives, was beginning to drown my friend Marina's sanity. The exhaustion of Christmas in London was threatening mine. So we left our children - we have two each - with their respective fathers and very little guilt and set off for Lille in northern France on a two-day/one-night jolly you can only really appreciate when you are usually otherwise encumbered by small children.
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Le Touquet is so regal even its roads are red, just like our Mall. If the French had not despatched their king to the guillotine, they would surely have styled this place Le Touquet Royale, like Royal Tunbridge Wells.
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Aside from seeing it on the odd bottle of wine, the name Languedoc-Roussillon isn't a familiar one to the average British holidaymaker.
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The cafe awning beckoned irresistibly. A restorative cup of coffee was just what we needed. And restorative it was - freshly ground, with a rich, deep flavour enhanced, so the proprietress told us, by adding a tiny pinch of salt just before the boiling water.
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Visiting Bouzigues in Languedoc last week, I looked at huge baskets of oysters. They were far from pretty. Had God designed something which defied eating, this was it. Naturally, the French knock them back by the boatload, especially at this time of year.
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Deep in France's Languedoc countryside, we are settling into the languor of early summer.
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The walk was to take place in the Corbieres Hills, an alluring region that once formed the border between France and Spain, and the route sounded both challenging and exciting.
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I have seen the future of the holiday-hire car - and it doesn't make a sound.
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Hector Berlioz's house in the village of La Cote Saint Andre was in turmoil, just like the frantic closing moments of one of the great composer's orchestral overtures.
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This is a love story about a man and a small valley in the hills of southern France. I'm the man and the valley is a downward fold of overgrown pine and oak-covered terraces which runs through the hills of the Haut Var. Some people know the Haut Var quite simply as Provence and, certainly, it lies well within the old boundaries of the Roman province from which Provence took its name.
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We've been home from France for days and there's still sand everywhere... in our shoes, in our hair and in the smallest crevices of the car. There's even sand in my handbag.
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Last summer, while I was making my way through France towards the Loire, I turned off at Nantes and found myself in a part of the country I had never seen before.
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Mark Twain, for whom golf was "a good walk spoiled", also claimed Parisians were most fond of "literature, art, medicine and adultery".
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Hopping across the Channel to France is so convenient and relatively cheap these days, it's downright rude not to.
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Not A Short Walk In The Hindu Kush. More a brisk whirl round La Franche-Comte. Neither Kush nor Comte are regular haunts of your average Tripper-Bird. Indeed, I found no one in England knew exactly where the Franche-Comte is, until I told them it embraces the Jura in eastern France.
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The French can be perfidious, arrogant and profoundly annoying, but the good Lord must like them nevertheless.
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The next Provence - and, Lord, how I still love the old one - will be La Drome. This isn't just a land of milk and honey. There are great Rhone wines to the west, the Alps to the east and rolling seas of lavender and grey-green groves of olives. It's also the centre of the latest snobbism - grading olive oils like wines.
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Throughout the Victorian age the winter sea-fronts of the South of France were thick with Brits. During much of this time the two countries' governments were at loggerheads, just as they are today.
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Until recently, French wine producers didn't bust a gut welcoming the general public.
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The closest many of us ever get to the real France is a restaurant menu, but more French farms, country houses and chateaux are opening their gates to visitors, offering excellent value B&B and home produce.
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We set off from Waterloo Station on Tuesday confident that we were heading towards a Brave New World of travel.
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We were in the chateau of Chenonceau in the Loire Valley and I wasn't sure I'd heard right. 'The future king was twelve and he took a mistress aged 32?'
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Over centuries, France has created a name for fine food and good living, for culture, fashion and frolicsome festivities, not to mention beautiful countryside.
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Schools have broken up and it's time to hit the beach. For those contemplating a long drive to their French holiday destination this summer, a few survival tips may be necessary.
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France is vast and various. The beaten track may lead to classic regions such as Provence, the Dordogne and the Côte d'Azur, but there's far more besides.
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Monsieur Vandenhecke, a veterinary surgeon, managed one of those Gallic shrugs for which the French are justifiably famous. 'Certificat?' he said, arms spread wide. 'Certificat? Je n'ai pas le certificat.'
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The Dublin women were making more noise than anyone else in the hotel bar. 'I came to Lourdes to get down to a size 12,' announced Janet who claimed, against the evidence, to be a grandma.
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It was our Big Idea for 2001. We'd head to France, check out the estate agents and buy a romantic holiday home. Nothing fancy, mind. Just a plain cottage or tumbledown farmhouse.
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As a child, I used to beg my parents to take me camping, but they would not budge. I joined the Guides, but no one even mentioned the word 'expedition'. Eventually I grew up and dreams of sleeping under the stars were replaced with nightmares about answering the call of nature in a field in the middle of the night.
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What should we expect?
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This is the smelliest building in town. As you saunter along the Quai Nicholas Rolin the whiff of spice and vinegar is carried on the breeze. It is also the ugliest.
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Armchair motor racing fans can now experience what it is like to be David Coulthard as he races around the track - without the expense of buying one of his cars. From next Sunday passengers on France's railways will be able to travel at speeds of around 186mph as they head south to the Mediterranean.
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Stretching into the heart of some of the most unspoiled areas of northern France, Le Nord must rank as one of the great undiscovered areas of Europe.
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Less than two hours from Calais lies a remarkable fishing port - or rather a former fishing port.
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Northern France may lack the glamour of the south but don't discount the cultural and gastronomic delights the region has to offer.
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What is it about the Dordogne that draws tens of thousands of us every summer? Many spend holidays there; others have retirement homes having converted an old stone barn, perhaps, or restored a steep-roofed farmhouse tucked into a patchwork of orchards, fields and forest.
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The Palaeolithic cave paintings of The Dordogne are among the wonders of the world. They are beautiful and mysterious.
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For most of us, our first bicycle ride is one of our foremost childhood memories. Lying face down in a bush, having fallen off comes a close second. So when my sister Julia called me from her home in Los Angeles and asked me to join her on a two-week cycling holiday in the Dordogne in France, I was very reluctant. But she insisted.
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In the opulent Eighties, the French went golf crazy, building new courses in sand dunes and aquatic parks and municipal developments. Better still, they built them in chateau parkland. Turrets and battlements made dramatic backdrops for immaculately manicured greens. Castles and crumbling outbuildings were converted into gracious hotels with gourmet restaurants. And nowhere more so than in eastern Brittany, where the dramatic seascapes of the peninsula are replaced by rolling hills and villages untouched by tourism.
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Monte Carlo's legendary wealth and glamour doesn't instantly class it as a budget holiday destination.
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Which of the cross- Channel ports offers the most interesting day trip? Boulogne and Calais may have their attractions, but essentially they're places to pass through, or shop in.
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Deauville is often called the 21st arrondissement of Paris, though I'm never sure whether this is a compliment or not.
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'Why don't we do something adventurous this year instead of hitting the beach?' my boyfriend Pete, who is nuts about paragliding, said to me one morning.
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We went to Cannes to see what it has to offer apart from the film festival - lots is the answer. I started to get excited on the road from Nice airport, which has some lovely coastal views.
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From ducking a Provence mountain storm to quaffing champagne on Nice seafront in one day — the South of France offers more variety than you might imagine.
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We stay in the Massif des Maures, in the little hillside village of La Garde Freinet, and feel like we get the best of both worlds: Provence and the Côte d'Azur.
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My trip to the Cote d'Azur was not my first, but I'd never been with Nick or the kids.
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People-watching has always been a popular seaside occupation. And, now we have been told toasting ourselves in the sun is no good for us, it is a very restful way of idling away time in the shade.
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You've all read it. The Côte d'Azur is finished. Ultra non-chic. It's concreted over from St Tropez to the Italian border.
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The island bells sounded across the sea as we came to Calvi - it was Sunday on Corsica. By the time the barquentine was at anchor, the population had been to church and come out again and from the land came an unmistakable smell. Lunch.
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Corsica is best known as the birthplace of Napoleon. It seemed fitting then, that my partner Nick and I should visit the Ile de Beaute with our own power-hungry small people in the form of Dylan, three, and 18-month-old Molly. My Mum and Dad came, too, in the guises of nanny and driver respectively.
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In summer, a promenade along Cannes' palm tree-fringed Croisette is the ideal way to spend an evening.
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Perverse thing, age. We realise we are getting old only after noticing we're the youngest on holiday. Confused? Let me explain.
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You want to grace the slopes for a week or just a few days - why head to one resort when you can take in five?
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On accidentally creating champagne for the first time, 17th century monk Dom Perignon declared, "I am drinking stars!"
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The first glimpse of Carcassonne's citadel, with its unbroken walls and ramparts and its dozens of pristine pepper-pot towers rising like a mirage above the vineyards of the Languedoc in south-western France, is one of the most unforgettable sights in Europe.
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Mid-November. The wine harvest is over, the leaves have fallen from the trees and the good burghers of Calais are bracing themselves for invasion.
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Just 25 miles from England the instruction 'on yer bike' - or local equivalent - is a form of welcome rather than a variation on 'get lost'.
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Half-past eight in the morning, and the vast metal shutters of the Auchan Supermarket creak up to admit the day's batch of British shoppers.
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The slippery stone steps lead me deep inside the Earth. Giant cobwebs hang from the ceiling like old curtains and water is dripping from the walls. It grows chill and damp the further we descend.
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Only the French would celebrate National Cheese Day. I was there for the occasion, cruising slowly along the Nivernais canal aboard a luxury barge called La Belle Epoque.
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I wouldn't go as far as to say that Tom Cruise and I are so similar that we worship the same God or anything, but with the release of his latest action-packed blockbuster, Mission Impossible 3 I do feel like we've got something in common.
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Hairdryer, check. Make-up, check. Small child. Oh god. I knew I'd forgotten something.
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"Vive la différence" has always summed up the relationship between the Brits and the French, but there is one thing we do have an equal passion for - gardens.
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"There is nothing like Champagne", so the song went. OK it didn't. It was a dame but maybe it should have been Champagne — it would have been fitting.
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Dawn raids across the Channel to plunder Boulogne's hypermarkets before nightfall and the ferry home is old territory for bargain-hunting Brits.
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Thrill-seekers and wine buffs or food connoisseurs are usually mutually exclusive but the Languedoc-Roussillon region of France offers something for all three.
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Despite being a quick trip across the Channel, the Flanders region of northern France is still something of a cultural mystery to us Brits.
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Unless you're acquainted with the owner of a time machine and can travel back to revolutionary France in the late 18th century, you're unlikely to witness as smooth a decapitation as I did recently.
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Shopping. You either love it or you hate it. If you hate it, I suggest you avoid Lille on the first weekend of September. If, like me, shopping is your lifeblood, book your Eurostar ticket and your hotel room for next year now.
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Cosmopolitan, racy Paris is the sort of European metropolis where action can be found at any time, day or night.
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The ongoing appeal of France often boils down to picturesque countryside, delicious food and a glass or two of red wine.
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Spa towns everywhere have that certain je ne sais quoi. There must be something in the warm sulphurous waters which does it.
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When I was invited to explore "the lesser known parts of the Dordogne", I couldn't help but wonder if it might prove a pleasurable but rather hopeless quest.
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Are you one of those people who get bored on the beach? Are you at a loose end after having had a go on the banana boat? A skiing holiday could be just the thing for you.
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Hopping across the Channel to France is so convenient and relatively cheap these days, it's downright rude not to.
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You'd think people who live in winter ski resorts would be glad of a break when summer arrives and the snows melt.
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